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Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.
Don’t worry too much about it. Just do all you can do and let the rough end drag.
If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
He who laughs last probably doesn’t understand the joke.
Have a cup of coffee, it's already been 'saucered and blowed'."
My cow died last night so I don't need your bull.
Slicker than a harpooned hippo on a banana tree.
If everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane!
If I want your opinion, I’ll ask you to fill out the necessary form.
He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch.
He’s so stupid, he couldn’t find his ass with both hands.
Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya.
If the Lord had meant us to fly, He would have given us aluminum skin.
If you lie to the computer, it will get you.
It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.
He's as country as cornflakes.
You couldn’t hit a bull in the butt with a bass fiddle.
If you see an onion ring - answer it!
I’d rather jump barefoot off a 6-foot step ladder into a
5 gallon bucket full of porcupines than…
She’s wound up tighter than the girdle of a baptist minister’s
wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast.
My sister is soooooo ugly, we had to tie a pork chop around her
neck to get the dogs to play her.
He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Just for Fun Red Neck Medical Terms
Benign - What you be after you be eight
Artery - The study of paintings
Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria
Barium - What doctors do when patients die
Cesarean Section - A neighborhood in Rome
Catscan - Searching for kitty
Cauterize - Made eye contact with her
Colic - A sheep dog
Coma - A punctuation mark
Enema - Not a friend
Fester - Quicker than someone else
Fibula - A small lie
Genitalnon - Jewish person
Hangnail - What you hang your coat on
Impotent - Distinguished
Labor Pain - Getting hurt at work
Morbid - A higher offer than I bid
Nitrates - Cheaper than day rates
Outpatient - A person who has fainted
Pap Smear - A fatherhood test
Recovery Room - Place to do upholstery
Rectum - Damn near killed him
Secretion - Hiding something
Seizure - Roman emperor
Tablet - A small table
Terminal illness - Getting sick at the airport
Tumor - More than one
Urine - Opposite of you're out
Varicose - Near by/close by